Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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