Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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