when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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