he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
