I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
