well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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