Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
