if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
