I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
