He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
