i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize