And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
