so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
