If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize