I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
