She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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