hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
