why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
