youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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