they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
