You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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