porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
