i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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