im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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