I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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