I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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