I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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