I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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