OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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