belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
