Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
