My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
