i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
