So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I lost the right to judge tonight
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
