the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
