he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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