Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
