I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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