Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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