I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize