it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
