Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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