I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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