Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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