ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
