Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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