Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
God gave him joint rollers for hands
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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