I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
