dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
