I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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