considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize