i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i believe in u and ur pee
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
