I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
