I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
