Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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