I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
