Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
