Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
