no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
