Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
