Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize