Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
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