i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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