Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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