I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
