He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
even my farts smell like vagina
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
