That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Randomize
