Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
