ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
