The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
