Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
