Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
