When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize