I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
