then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
